^ WOW, really? O_o
My friends didn't label themselves as gay until they'd slept with their 10th man(or woman) or something
USA is a bit different, when it comes to sex, from Venezuela. O_o
Antaeus wrote:
sailorKa wrote:
To give you a plus, I thought this way too upon finding the term asexual. I thought this could be my answer for "I do not partake in relationships NOR have interest in sex!" but upon meeting a wide variety of asexuals on the internet, I found out that the "aromantic" tag becomes important because asexuality encompasses such a big amount of people that come from all walks of life that within the community, differentiations are needed, somehow.
So to aswer you comment: No, asexuality may mean that you don't have sexual desires(not at all. This varies among the asexual you may be speaking to) this doesn't mean they don't crave the mental connectivity of a "partner" nor does it mean that they don't have silly crushes or even fall in love.
yes, the definition of asexual is slightly wrong, if you try to clarify the word with common sense. Aromantic doesn't sound bad. However, aromantic sounds like you don't like romance at all(or should I stop trying to describe words with common sense?). I can imagine someone who can't feel love does like the idea of love, and romance. Same for someone who avoids it(there are plenty of reasons to avoid it even when you do like the idea of romance). so, the term aromantic is not satisfying, but I guess it will do.
Well, its
aromantic not
anti-romantic. I'm
asexual yet I'm far more confortable discussing sex-related topics than many of my sexual friends so I'm far from being anti-sex. =P
On the same line, I don't mind romantic movies(Hell, I adore "Love Actually"
) so ..yeah.
Antaeus wrote:
sailorKa wrote:
I know its hard to believe but its perfectly OK and possible to have a deep & meaningful relationship with someone without having sex.
First of all, you mentiong "sexual frustration" but remember the couple could be asexual on both parties.
When one of the partners isn't asexual, you work out those problems and of course, if you don't mind polyamory or polygamy your partner could always go find sex somewhere else(I know at least two couples who are polyamorous and this works out for them).
In the end, I guess it depends of how much you DO love that person and how much you're willing to try for him/her/zir/whatever.
But you can also have a deep & meaningful friendship.. a deep & meaningful friendships are a lot more useful, stable, trustful and less fragile, so why start a relationship when a friendship is a much better option?
Uh... You're asking something I ask all the time now XD I wouldn't know.
I ask my friends all the time this and they all say that "its different, period" I don't understand it better tha you do, so *shrugs* XD
Antaeus wrote:
sailorKa wrote:
When you suppress or willingly ignore your sexual desires you're practicing CELIBACY.
Many, many asexuals
aren't virgins and (sadly for them) most celibates are not in any way asexual.
This is actually the part I disagree with you. Also a bit of what you said earlier in your post about the sex part. Actually, there are just a few questions that pops in my mind. I hope that can clarify it a bit. First of all, do asexuals kiss? Kissing is like the "paring dance"(what is the english term for it? birds do it before having sex) for humans before sex. So kissing is an act of showing sexual affection, and physical interest in the other person. It would be hypocritical for an asexual to kiss another person.
This a much too broad question for me to answer. As I said, everyone is different.
If you want me to answer for myself, I don't kiss people on the mouth but kissing on the cheek is normal(even obligatory) hello & goodbye here.
Some asexuals are appalled by the very idea of someone holding your hand while I cuddle with many many friends without reason(nor ulterior motives).
Some asexuals DO kiss and for them, as I've heard them say, this isn't treated as "foreplay" but as an act in and of itself.
And I've never seriously kissed anyone nor any other stuff but kissing seems easier to do than sex and a lot less sloppy. xD
I'm not talking about full-on frontal frenchkissing thou.
I don't consider it hypocrital, thou. People have different preferences and I could say I find it hypocrital that some guys love(forgive the crudeness) oral while they're not willing to go down on a girl(I know people like this) because they're "sensitive like that." but it happens.
If someone finds kissing 'OK' while is disgusted by everything else, well, that's them.
Some asexuals are troubled by the fact that they love hugging their parners and that said partners thinks of it as "oh, you want sex!" when that's not really the case. So what constitutes "foreplay" and what doesn't? It also depends on the person you ask, I guess. I can't be clearer because as I said people differ a lot on this. There's not cut-clean answer.
Antaeus wrote:
Then, second. isn't the word asexuality mostly used by people with bad experiences related to sex, or (mainly) girls who are insecure about the entire sex thing? Maybe this sounds blunt, but it is quite noticeable(Of course, there are always exceptions, so generally speaking...). The asexuals I have known all had problems in the past related to sex. So they hated sex, not for sex itself, but because they are reminded of that bad experience. To the outside world they reflect that with asexuality, or simply that they are not interested in sex. It is also noticeable that less males are asexual(I don't have a statistic source for this though, only my own experience). Probably because the entire sex thing is easier for males than for females physically.
Well, first of all, in the asex community on LJ, I don't see much more women than men. *shrugh* so I'll just ignore that you said "girls" in all those sentences and use "people" to be more accepting.
No,
people(or girls) don't need to have had a bad experience with sex to be asexual. not at all. That's one of the misconceptions of it all and that's why people are brought down when they come out(yes, come out
) to their friends and family.
The asexuals that have had sex they say that it wasn't a "traumatic experience" or any such thing, nor did they think it was the most horrible thing ever. They just didn't think it was as great as everyone puts it out to be and don't feel like they need it to be a part of their life.
In other words, "thank you but no thank you."
For asexuals who've never had sex, if you ask "OHHH, well you don't know till you've tried it!" which may be true to so slight degree but, you know, the same thing could be said to some ultra-jock: "Oh, how can you say you don't like men until you've tried it?"
They just
know they're straight and they don't need to sleep with a man to confirm it(thou some do
). Its the same for some asexuals, they don't need to have sex to know they don't want it or need it.
As for the sex thing being easier for men.... you're so wrong XD
Even if you're asexual, you can satisfy your partner. When you're asexual and a guy... if you can't get it up or find sex disgusting during the act, boom. you're done. X'D
Its easier for women in that sense.
This is from an article on AVEN written by a girl, titled
"Top Ten Responses to 'I'm asexual'":
#10: "You hate men."
#9: "You can't get a man."
#8: "You have a hormone problem."
#7: "You're overly involved in your own busy life."
#6: "You just never had me in your bed."
#5: "You are afraid of getting into a relationship."
#4: "You were sexually abused as a child."
#3: "You are a lesbian."
#2: "You just haven't met the right guy."
#1: "Aww, did you just get out of a bad relationship?"
Antaeus wrote:
I say this because you say asexuals aren't virgin in a lot of cases. Therefore, they did have sexual desires at some point in their life. Otherwise they wouldn't have sex. They must have lost that desire somehow.
I'm tired of writing.... XD
Lots of situations you mention are in the General FAQ over at AVEN(Asexuality Visibility and Education Network):
http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.ph ... eneral_FAQ
I can't answer the sex thing either with much confidence because it pertains to the preferences of other asexuals but I've read that they sometimes lost their sexuality of "try it out" or perhaps to satisfy their partner or perhaps they did have a time in their life(like puberty? I dunno) when they were sexually active for whatever reasons.
I hope I cleared out some stuff for you. cuz I AM tired of writing. XDDD
--k