You make it sound like it was a less-than-great idea
Not so much bad as it was surprising considering I laughed menacingly when District Bob asked if I could see myself using The Saw. Although, he was probably more than used to my shit by that point. Told me I had his full support.
In fairness I haven't met another member of my profession who wasn't at least weird if not slightly murder-y.
As for the cats, the first is a short haired tuxedo who's a bit dim but an otherwise good boy. Named him after The Gazette's most recently and unfortunately departed member because the goal was "good boy with gremlin energy"
I got him a few months after the oldest fat cat passed away, because Empress Mouse was yowling in loneliness still. Alas, she hated him but eventually learned to tolerate his existence. He loved her, though.
Unfortunately, he eats foam. Obsessively. He ate roughly 200 nerf darts before I realized he was not simply hiding them. All foam is behind a lockable door, including my flip-flops.
The other one is a fluffy black void a coworker gifted me a few months after Empress Mouse passed away. I named him Hythlodaeus in the hopes of matching the other cat's Happy Gremlin Energy but he turned out to be some sort of demon in a cat suit. His crimes are as follows:
- Dismantled the fan above my stove. (Aluminum frame, filter, shitty plastic fan blades)
- Taken apart the lower 1/3 of the stove.
- Defeated all of the child locks I put on the kitchen cabinets.
- Attempted to access (and likely dismantle) the smoke detector in the living room. Had to move the cat furniture.
- Climbed my book shelf and stole my pretty rock collection, thrice.
- Reached the top of the book shelf by unknown means, stole and ate half of one of the scour pads I was trying to hide from him. Pilfered the cards I had on display up there as well.
- Annihilated the cat stroller. One I purchased with the assistance of the chewy.com people because Reita ate the wheels on the first.
- Unplugged the refrigerator.
- Knocked over and proceeded to consume some rockstar energy. Proceeded to crime at 3x speed.
- Dragged my Kozi albums, and only those albums, under the couch.
- Stole my sandwich
- Yanked the ethernet cable free from its place along the wall until I got fed up and coated it in a layer of tapatio
- Consistently and remorselessly attacked and chewed on my big toe. Was declared innocent by a jury of twitter users in spite of video evidence of the crime.
Right now, he's trying to figure out how to use doorknobs. Once he gets it none of my worldly possessions will be safe. At least he's very loving and affectionate and has mostly stopped chewing on my extremities.