Spanking, the Great Debate

[Decadent_Irises]

Honestly, i think spanking is not as bad as half of you guys are making it seem.

I come from a Chinese family who immigrated over before i was born, and spanking seemed to be a common punishment there. My parents (and me too) didn't see the point to grounding or time outs or anything. what's the point of telling a child to sit in a corner for 15 minutes? what is it going to do? the child isn't going to sit there and mull over whatever they did, they're just going to go totally ADD and get distracted by anything and everything. they're really not old enough to learn true lessons about how what they did was morally wrong. by the time they reach that age, they can be shamed into learning the right thing. i was spanked whenever i did something majorly bad, and i think it served as a physical reminder of whatever i had done wrong, and kind of like a "don't do that again, because mommy and daddy don't like it." it's definitely how i grew up, and i honestly don't know how else little kids can learn.

offtopic: i know my next door neighbor's kids are spoiled to hell, and they don't get spanked. one of those little kids dropped his pants when i was there, telling me "look at my weewee otherwise i won't go pee" not that this has to do with my opinion on spankings. don't take this out of context. i just found it entertaining.

obviously, beatings and stuff like that really isn't the way to go, and i don't approve of spanking with sticks or (in my friend's case, wooden spoons) but i think that nothing wrong can come of a few smacks to the tush. Obviously, smacking a kid over the knee once they're past 7 or so is ridiculous....

 

[Berserk]

No way, the kids have a mind and reasoning capacity to understand the things once you explain them well. If the children "misbehave", it's because of the bad education of the parents.

This I disagree with, both from personal experience and from my education in psychology. A child who can't understand that pouring a cup of water into a taller glass doesn't change the amount of water isn't going to understand the logical or moral reasoning you have to offer. I've heard that most males' frontal lobes don't even develop enough until they're 11 or 12 years old for them to understand that hitting another person hurts them as much as being hit yourself hurts you. I'm sure they can intellectualize it, but they don't "get" it.

So until a child is around seven or eight, I think bad behavior can really only be discouraged through conditioning. They'll only avoid the behavior if they know something negative will happen if they try it again.



For what it's worth, I can't recall a single instance of being spanked that made me want to avoid whatever it was I did. I think a spanking is more of a "stop what you're doing and listen to me, ya little punk!" than a real punishment... unless you get into paddle/cane-ville. And I think beating a child with an object that could bruise them or cause physical trauma is beyond just bad parenting. That's assault.

I remember my dad looming over me while I did my math homework threatening to smack me if I "didn't carry the three!!!1!". That, obviously, is fucked up and not the way people should parent.

So moral of the story: No, kids can't understand your logic until they get around the age of seven or eight. Spanking isn't really a punishment unless you do it brutally hard or use an inhumane object to do it with, like a cane. A small paddling in response to bad behavior probably isn't a bad idea, but there are other ways to get a kids attention if you don't like the idea of hitting them (btw, smacking across the face is way worse. I remember every single time I've been smacked by my mother). Oh, and I hate my dad. What a douche

EDIT: Wow, the poll is exactly 50-50

 

[PureElegance]

For what it's worth, I can't recall a single instance of being spanked that made me want to avoid whatever it was I did. I think a spanking is more of a "stop what you're doing and listen to me, ya little punk!" than a real punishment... unless you get into paddle/cane-ville. And I think beating a child with an object that could bruise them or cause physical trauma is beyond just bad parenting. That's assault.

So moral of the story: No, kids can't understand your logic until they get around the age of seven or eight. Spanking isn't really a punishment unless you do it brutally hard or use an inhumane object to do it with, like a cane. A small paddling in response to bad behavior probably isn't a bad idea, but there are other ways to get a kids attention if you don't like the idea of hitting them (btw, smacking across the face is way worse. I remember every single time I've been smacked by my mother).

Oh my God, I agree with everything you've said here

I remember my dad looming over me while I did my math homework threatening to smack me if I "didn't carry the three!!!1!". That, obviously, is fucked up and not the way people should parent.

It wasn't my dad but I remember my spanking for math was because of fractions XD I don't know why I remember that instance so well...

I don't hate my parents. I think it was just their way of disciplining me for a couple of years, although it failed. They went through much worse so I understand where they're coming from. It didn't teach me how to be good, it only gave me bad memories. But I rarely ever think about it nowadays XD

 

[Decadent_Irises]

Oh my God, I agree with everything you've said here

I remember my dad looming over me while I did my math homework threatening to smack me if I "didn't carry the three!!!1!". That, obviously, is fucked up and not the way people should parent.

It wasn't my dad but I remember my spanking for math was because of fractions XD I don't know why I remember that instance so well...

I don't hate my parents. I think it was just their way of disciplining me for a couple of years, although it failed. They went through much worse so I understand where they're coming from. It didn't teach me how to be good, it only gave me bad memories. But I rarely ever think about it nowadays XD

hahaha i got my smackings for math too- but mine was for multiplication and area formulas. and physics. <-that means now lol. me and my parents get into physical fights that involve kicking, scratching, and me getting slapped. lollol

 

[PureElegance]

hahaha i got my smackings for math too- but mine was for multiplication and area formulas. and physics. <-that means now lol. me and my parents get into physical fights that involve kicking, scratching, and me getting slapped. lollol

That's a really dumb reason though, math is so not worth getting slapped over XD I've never been slapped or got into physical fights but there have been things thrown at me or across the room, haha~

 

[Mademoiselle Folie]

No way, the kids have a mind and reasoning capacity to understand the things once you explain them well. If the children "misbehave", it's because of the bad education of the parents.

This I disagree with, both from personal experience and from my education in psychology. A child who can't understand that pouring a cup of water into a taller glass doesn't change the amount of water isn't going to understand the logical or moral reasoning you have to offer. I've heard that most males' frontal lobes don't even develop enough until they're 11 or 12 years old for them to understand that hitting another person hurts them as much as being hit yourself hurts you. I'm sure they can intellectualize it, but they don't "get" it.

So until a child is around seven or eight, I think bad behavior can really only be discouraged through conditioning. They'll only avoid the behavior if they know something negative will happen if they try it again.



For what it's worth, I can't recall a single instance of being spanked that made me want to avoid whatever it was I did. I think a spanking is more of a "stop what you're doing and listen to me, ya little punk!" than a real punishment... unless you get into paddle/cane-ville. And I think beating a child with an object that could bruise them or cause physical trauma is beyond just bad parenting. That's assault.

I remember my dad looming over me while I did my math homework threatening to smack me if I "didn't carry the three!!!1!". That, obviously, is fucked up and not the way people should parent.

So moral of the story: No, kids can't understand your logic until they get around the age of seven or eight. Spanking isn't really a punishment unless you do it brutally hard or use an inhumane object to do it with, like a cane. A small paddling in response to bad behavior probably isn't a bad idea, but there are other ways to get a kids attention if you don't like the idea of hitting them (btw, smacking across the face is way worse. I remember every single time I've been smacked by my mother). Oh, and I hate my dad. What a douche

EDIT: Wow, the poll is exactly 50-50

well, i can tell as well from my own experience and studies in psychology that children are able to understand the things even if they're littler than 7 or age. I'm not talking about the "adult logic", i mean, you can talk with a children using his own lenguge. With games or something to explain "the happens of life". Any person that has ever get a closer contact with children knows they have their own logical and way of reasoning. Just go out and talk with a child and he/she will impress you for all the things he's able to say at his age.

As example. I know a girl who's 6 years old, almost 7 and has a sister of 5. Their parents are separate, thay are going from mum's home to dad's home and viceversa all the time cause their mum is not enough mature to bred them. She's 24 years old and acts like she's 14. She leave the girls alone in home to go out with men, parties and stuff. And, of curse, mum and dad are figthing all the time because of the girls, even in front of them. I've talked with both of them (they helped me a few years ago for some projects of school) And told me, in her own logic, exactly the situation i had already knwe of their family. They're known as "trouble children" cause they fight in school, scream to the adults, and stuff like that. Nothing works to make them "understand" these things are wrong. Though they get spanked or any other thing. Why? just because they're depressed children. All what they want is not to be cheated, is to know wtf is happening? not to be ignored, to be listened. I know this cause i'm friends with their family and i spent very much time with these girls also for my project. I remember at first the parents told me they were "hard to treat" and advise me to be careful cause they had no respect for adults and i asked to leave me alone with them, each one of them and both of them then. The thing is, the children NEVER in all the time i spent with them, never "misbehave" with me, i found them very much tender girls and we get friends. They obey me and i had no need to yell at them or even lift up my voice. Only talking about the facts. At least his uncle (which makes almost as hir father.) wanted to marry me XD (not joke!) I told them to take the girls to a therapy, but thay didn't. I'm feeling sad cause i can't see them anymore. They moved to another city with their mum.

That's one of my experiences.

About littles kids, if you have a child of... let me see... 2 or 3 years, at that age they're still exploring the world, knowing. The child just dicovered the dog of the family and he's curious about wtf is it? so he goes to investigate. He'll try to get in contact with the dog, touch him. He do it and then he'll try the next step he always do with anything (babies, at that age, usually wats touching anything in any way, they hit, press, and then prove it with their mouth... just look at them with attention and you will know i'm not lying) and he'll try to hit the dog or pull the tail, or even kick the dog, just to see how much far he could get with the new "thing" he duscovered. If the dog reacts barking or grunting, the baby will probably get scared. But if don't do anything, the beby will know it's "safe" to do anything with these new thing. That's when the parents MUST get in action and take to task to the children firmily showing the baby the right way a dog must be treated. If the paretns does not reppress, the child will never know it's wrong hitting animals.

One fact, there's no need for spanking, only soundind really firm and looking into the kid's eyes to let him know "who's the boss" as someone else said. Of course it woill never work if dad repress and mum admits. Or is they repress, the baby cies and the they act like "oh my poor baby... " and give him a candy.

damn! wrote too much, sorry, i hope not to be boring...


and

i've found this on youtube, its about the spanking as a corporal punishment and why it's not necesary and should be avoid it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYd_9SPF ... re=related

 

[Han'i]

Spanking=bad, especially if it leaves a mark. It just teaches kids that violence will solve the problem, even if it doesn't.

 

[sergeantkitty]

I'm certainly not going to take the time to write a whole essay on this, but I can tell you that I appreciate that my parents spanked me when I was growing up. Time out and stuff like that, to me, was not as much of a punishment and time to reflect as it was to play around with my action figures or pretend I was a secret agent crawling around on the floor.

I don't really think a time out would be an adequate punishment for any child, because let's face it, what kid is going to be pondering their actions? Maybe one who's mature enough not to get into trouble in the first place?
I always hated spankings and was afraid to get them. You don't have to rely on your children's moral brilliance to go into auto correct mode, but assume that human nature does not tend towards good behavior and take the method of the hot stove is not good to touch. My butt is still in tact, I'm not complaining.

 

[holylampposts]

Spanking=bad, especially if it leaves a mark. It just teaches kids that violence will solve the problem, even if it doesn't.

Somehow, your response doesn't surprise me.

 

[Han'i]

Spanking=bad, especially if it leaves a mark. It just teaches kids that violence will solve the problem, even if it doesn't.

Somehow, your response doesn't surprise me.

*raises eyebrow*
I'm not sure if that's good or not.

 

[Amatsu]

As I child who was spanked, I think it is acceptable sometimes.

My reasons have already been argued.

But I was never spanked hard enough to even make my butt red, nor was it more than once every 4 months that I did something bad enough.

I'd usually get a slap on the hand if I started playing with something breakable, etc. Slaps on the hand/wrist seem more acceptable by people, and I've often wondered why. Is it because the hand is a less private place? I think it's stupid.

 

[Jae]

I want to add to this discussion, since I too was spanked as a child.

I grew up in a multi-racial household, so my parent's views on discipline were very different.

As a child, I feared my mother's punishment far more than my father's punishment. My mother is Chinese and grew up with a very abusive father and mother who used a number of painful punishments to 'correct' her behaviour. Many of these punishments were passed down to me: spanking with a hair brush, smacks to the face, kneeling in the corner on rice/beans, belts, etc.

My father is Caucasian and his punishments were the occasional spanking and sending me to my room for a 'time out.'

Over the years I grew to fear and resent my mother, because her methods became more abusive and harmful as I grew older. To this day I have no contact with my biological mother.

As for my father, I will always respect and admire him, because I knew that if I was spanked or sent to my room it was because I did something wrong.

Long story short, there is a BIG difference between the occasional swat on the ass, and beating the shit out of your children. As long as spanking isn't your number 1 rule enforcer, I believe every now and then is fine.

 

[Lem]

Long story short, there is a BIG difference between the occasional swat on the ass, and beating the shit out of your children. As long as spanking isn't your number 1 rule enforcer, I believe every now and then is fine.

I agree here. My parents it was usually just a quick swat on the ass and as we got older it moved on to restriction. We actually preferred spankings over restriction! Our street had a lot of kids our age, so being stuck inside while watching our friends outside playing was really crappy for us!

My family's relationship with my Aunt is a bit complicated but my Aunt was abusive. The reason I am right handed is because whenever I wrote with my left hand I would get smacked in the face. Her type of punishment I don't condone at all. Whenever I think about her I become so angry. I did egg her house once on Halloween

 

[Decadent_Irises]

I'd usually get a slap on the hand if I started playing with something breakable, etc. Slaps on the hand/wrist seem more acceptable by people, and I've often wondered why. Is it because the hand is a less private place? I think it's stupid.

I never understood that either- it's not like "oh they're not hurting their kid as much because it's on the hand..." because a kid's butt is really just a pile of fat ... aka shock absorber.

 

[Iskanderia]

1) Putting a kid in time out isn't really about making them reflect on what they did, rather it's a punishment because, really, what's more punishing for a small child than to have to sit still and do nothing for 15 minutes???

2) Any behavioral psychologist worth his salt will tell you that positive reinforcement is far and away the more effective and persistent type of behavior modification rather than negative reinforcement. This is true across species even.

For instance, my mother used to scream and hit me when I came home with bad grades (and basically anything else I did that was even vaguely wrong - she beat the living shit out of me once because she thought I was a lesbian. Yeah, that didn't mess me up or anything ) But my grades and my behavior never got better.

What did work though was what my adopted father did after my mother died. Instead of freaking out over my bad grades, he praised me instead for my good grades. Rather than yelling at me for getting 4 D's on my report card and ignoring the 2 B's, he instead ignored the 4 D's and praised me up and down for the 2 B's and instituted a system where I would get paid $5 per A, $4 per B, etc. And guess what? My grades skyrocketed.

And because he didn't use physical or mental abuse (my mother's screaming was always the most traumatic thing to me), I had a respect for him that I never had for my mother, and I wanted not only the money for my grades, but also to make him proud of me.


3)

Long story short, there is a BIG difference between the occasional swat on the ass, and beating the shit out of your children. As long as spanking isn't your number 1 rule enforcer, I believe every now and then is fine.

But I agree with this too. There is nothing wrong with a light, very occasional spanking. If it's done not in anger and not to an extreme and is done only in special circumstances - then it's not going to turn the child into a mental wreck in adulthood that only knows how to handle their problems through violence.

The problem though, is that a lot of parents don't know where that line is and it is easy to spank a child in a fit of rage. And it's hard to grow to respect someone that can't control themselves and that thinks it's okay to cause pain to a defenseless child.

 

[Demanufacturer]

i thought this poll was about a different kind of spanking

 

[Iskanderia]

Yes, well, THAT kind of spanking I'm all for.

 

[Eville Von Random]

I think it really depends on the child's behavior. Btw, I voted for the second option.

By the way I was brought, spanking was rarely used but there were other ways of punishment that are probably not the best for kids. My mom would often get a leather belt and whip the hell out of me and to one of my sisters no matter where and what place if we did something that was considered wrong and deserved to be punished for although she stopped doing that when I reached 12 years old and felt guilty about it later on. Other times it was either pull the ear or hair and in extreme cases, the occasional slap or punch in the face. My dad would just yell or if he really got mad, he'd grab a broom stick and hit me with it as a kid since that was what his parents used to do as a form of punishment. But he was a lot better on bringing one's self esteem to the floor than my mom.

 

[PureElegance]

EDT

 

[Halvorc]